So, I realize that while I have talked in snippets here and there about HRT, I’ve never really talked about its effect on me personally. Now that I have started month 5, I think I can explain it. Keep in mind, this is only how I’ve been affected. It in no way reflects anyone else’s experiences.
Fair warning, though I will censor quite a bit, be warned that below there may be some details you don’t want to know. You have been warned.
For those brave enough to proceed, here we go…
The entire experience I’ve had so far can be broken down into a few sections:
- Friend Reaction
- Family Reaction
- Physical Change
- Mental Change
This took me the longest time to figure out. Growing up in the 80’s and 90’s you had 4 main sources for common knowledge on transgender people: 1) Rocky Horror Picture Show, 2) The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, 3) RuPaul, and 4) Tootsie. I realize RuPaul and Tootsie aren’t trans in the sense of what I’m talking (HRT, ect), but they’re lumped right into previous knowledge. I realize how limited that it was, but with so few choices, I didn’t really identify close to any of them. Although, one of the three main characters in Priscilla was trans…as I recall it was portrayed as self-hating and regretting the drugs and surgery. Very interesting, but hard to identify with.
Fast forward until about 10 years ago. So, at this point I was a single father of two, living with my mother, I’m watching TV…and on pops something about Chaz Bono. I watched with great interest, and re-watched (yay DVR) just to make sure I understood exactly what was going on…what was being discussed. Finally, it was something I recognized. The opposite way, but everything finally made sense. This is what I had been looking for: a realistic representation of the way I had been feeling all my life. A positive role model for what had been locked in my mind since prepubescence.
At this point, I should say that coming out is never easy. For some, it gets easier after a few times. For me, I’m an absolute wreck almost every time. I’m sure it’s mostly to do with my anxiety issues, but each time it’s been just as hard as the first for me.
On a brighter note, my friends are awesome. The first one I told (irl) was a girl I consider one of my closest, and one of the longest lasting. Her initial reaction? She seemed almost excited. Since then I’ve go friend by friend, and co-workers. It’s all been positive responses so far, or at least as far as anyone lets on. Although, I imagine anyone who disagrees just won’t talk to me, which isn’t a big deal.
I chickened out on this one. My mother passed many years ago, although I’m 99.9% sure she knew. She only would have been worried about my kids, which I took into consideration before finally coming out to everyone. My grandparents were the only ones I personally contacted. The response I got was a text saying that they love me. As for the rest of my family, I’ve heard from grandma’s sisters, as well as my step-mother and sisters. All positive.
This is where it gets to the slight censoring. Overall changes haven’t been drastic. As you saw in what I called my 4 month post (the beginning of is what it was), facial fat has move slightly. Thighs and buttocks are about the same. My skin is definitely softer, and I do bruise more easily. I’ve lost some muscle mass, and I can tell how much by how hard my job is starting to get in certain aspects. Lastly, breast development is…interesting. Slight growth over the past few months, but Tylenol and ibuprofen have become my best friends. What I don’t get…how can there be so much soreness/tenderness with so little growth? Men really don’t get how much women go through starting at puberty.
Finally, the most complicated simplicity. Honestly, it just makes me feel normal. The only thing I’ve really noticed is that my temper is more mellow overall. Other than that, emotionally I don’t feel any different, but it’s still really early in the process. Although…I have noticed that I’m a little more squeamish while watching House during the surgery parts.
That’s all I can think of at the moment, and I really need to get to bed. Lol, so I’ll be off for the night, have a good one everybody.